If thine eye offend thee, pluck it out.

Last night I caught a glimpse of a news article that, well, isn’t really news at all, but, somehow, still wound me right up.

Apparently a chap called Shazad Iqbal from the delightful town of Bradford in England has started an online petition to have the Katy Perry video for the tune “dark horse” removed from Youtube on the grounds it contains a clip where someone, one of the “suitors” to Katy Perry’s Egyptian queen is briefly seen and is wearing a pendant with the Arabic word for God on it.
This, he alleges, is blasphemous.

Blasphemy
1 a.
 A contemptuous or profane act, utterance, or writing concerning God or a sacred entity
  b. The act of claiming for oneself the attributes and rights of God.

2. An irreverent or impious act, attitude, or utterance in regard to something considered inviolable or sacrosanct

Some 60,000 lunatics have signed onto his petition to youtube for it to be removed. Removed…
from youtube…
for blasphemy…

Ok, just give me a second to check my calendar…oh, yeah, it is 2014.

First, I should point out that I have a deep suspicion of all news and as far as I am concerned this news story could be far deeper and far more complicated than it at first appears, but, no matter how the petition got started it, who Shazad actually is becomes somewhat irrelevant because, sadly, 60,000+ other mentals who have jumped alongside “him” in defense of “Him”.

I want to deal with my issues one by one.

So, let’s deal with Shazad and his mates and the question of if you’re a sufficiently devout Muslim that a symbol that you believe represents “God” being worn by a representation of a historical character in a pop video wearing a necklace offends so much then, err…
What the fuck are you doing watching a bloody Katy Perry video?!?
This is surely a video guaranteed to contain a bevy of naked, jiggling, sexually suggestive flesh, both male and female, with particular attention being paid to the acres and acres of milky white cavernous cleavage of the star. How exactly does that sit with your religious fundamentalism?
Seriously, how hard was this guy looking to notice this necklace?
Is he so pissed because he spotted it just as he reached the vinegar stroke?

Then there’s the others. Are they signing a petition based on his word or did they all wade straight in to observe this blasphemous material?
Are the costume department now subject to a Fatwah? Are they also to be shot in the street for their transgressions?
I would have signed the petition if it had been because it was god awful shite, but, not for poxy blasphemy. So, here’s my suggestion to the first issue, people here’s the question one should ask oneself before clicking a link, sitting down to youtube or watching mtv:-

Are you a practicing Muslim? Are you devout? Are you from one of the other religions? Are you offended by young attractive people creating sexually suggestive imagery?

If you answered yes to any or all of the above stop watching Music videos.
Stop having a tug to Katy Perry and Lady Gaga, go and find a woman of your own to subjugate or wait for your parents to buy one for you and stop writing petitions about blasphemy. To claim for yourself the right of God to be offended for Him is a blasphemous act. Don’t think I’m only talking to muslims here, OK, the catholics have been at this far longer and they should concentrate on stopping telling women what to do with their bodies, stop buggering alter boys  and protecting peadophiles in their own entertainment industry before they start on at the Hollywoods entertainment industry.

Next, people of said entertainment industry.
Either do some research into what things are before putting them on the screen or carry on not bothering and go tell the religions of the world to choke on what they’re shoveling.
So, try to ensure that you’ve not accidentally created a copy of the Holy piss cup of Abraham or the Bedpan of Isiah and then put it in a music video featuring two naked lesbians writhing with a customarily naked Miley Cyrus who’s furiously licking the majestic chalice which is being used by Robin Thicke to cover his genitals in their imminent duet about how much glorious fun it is to have an orgy in front of her dad whilst the poor bastard sits in the corner and cries into his, by now, much needed crack pipe.
I know, it’s far easier to just acquiesce than actually having some balls and standing up for the truth.

Now, it’s time to talk about us.
We need to deal with this blasphemy nonsense.
We are continually changing the meaning of words, giving them new definition and I suggest it’s about high time we moved with the times and redefined blasphemy, gave it a truer, more meaningful summation. So, just change a few key words and punctuation in the current definition and add a third part, thus:

Blasphemy.
1.a  
Any contemptuous or profane act, utterance, or writing alleging offense on behalf of God or any sacred entity
  b.
 The act of claiming for oneself the right to be offended on behalf of God.

2. An irreverent or impious act, attitude, or utterance in regard to (something considered inviolable and sacrosanct) Science.


3. (n. unused) The once held belief that there was a God and one could kill or punish others for upsetting Him
.

It’s the 21st bloody century and we’re still allowing people to run around claiming offense on behalf of God.
If God has got his holy knickers in such a twist by this three second appearance of a sodding necklace in a pop video then he can bloody well do something about it Himself. He is, some say , all powerful and all mighty, so, surely he can be wrathful all on his own, I’ve read all the good books, he’s not short of experience in the area! However, could he kindly do something about the all the slaughter and death that goes on His name first… You know, priorities people, necklace against generations of religious genocide.

If God isn’t offended by the sight of endless slaughter, but, is offended by a bit of Jewellery, then for the love of the real God (the collective capability of our species) please, please, pretty please with some sugar on top, STOP WORSHIPPING SUCH A PETTY TWAT!

As it turns out the video has now been edited to remove the offending article so, Mr Iqbal and friends can get back to watching youtube with one hand whilst training their heat seeking womb ferret until it’s sick with the other, free of the fear a sudden religion induced lack of tumescence ruining those treasured moments of self-worship between prayers.