London College Hospital, London UK, 3:15pm 24/09/2015
Words: Gary Baldy

New clinical study reveals shocking link between a debilitating, ongoing mental condition in adults and cannabis use as university age, young adults.

The results of a new drug use survey carried out by the Government’s chief authority on cannabis use and mental illness has conclusively proved that cannabis use can lead to crippling over-achievement.

The study, carried out by the same husband and wife team who established a causal link between cannabis use and mental illness when all other researchers found cannabis had a protective effect, and whose work the UK government have cited for their repeated refusal to decriminalize the drug, have now conclusively shown there to be a link between pot and extreme levels of success.


Bolt; “too many gold medals and records for his own good and a bit of a show-off”

At a press conference announcing the results of the “extensive study” the team leader, Dr. Jonathan Faquesit, explained:
“For the last two decades we have been given a grant by the government to independently investigate if there was any link between marijuana and mental illness.”
“We used the latest scientific methodology: we asked people if they had a mental illness and if they had used marijuana, if they answered yes to both question we logically concluded that the weed caused the mental illness”
“For decades we provided the government with this conclusive evidence, but, recently we were asked by the marketing department of an American marijuana business to discover is there was any link between their product and good stuff happening to the users and by the time the cheque cleared we had found one.”
“I am pleased to announce that my dedicated team were able to conclusively prove that Marijuana is now mainly linked to being a proper smug git of inordinate success.”

Michael Phelps “guilty of unmatchable success and a fair hint of smugness”

The good Doctors wife and co-author of the paper, the eminent psychologist Dr Jean Faquesit-Phormoni, explained still further how the team reached their conclusion and hinted at the wider implications for society:

Following an extensive two day search on google looking at ‘famous people who smoked pot’ we found a direct link between people who have used marijuana in college and later unrivalled success when measured against the median level of achievement within their peer group. We found that in all walks of life smoking reefer results in an insatiable hunger for both breakfast foods and personal achievement. Every field is topped by cannabis consumers.”


“Typical pot smoking overachievers” Nobel prize winners and Presidents.

She was challenged on this point by a Daily Mail reporter, Ray Sissem, who questioned the validity of her claims.

“Steve Jobs of Apple fame; Sir Richard Branson of Virgin, Francis Crick who shares credit for discovering DNA, Nobel Prize winners and Presidents of the United States Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama. President Bush and presidential candidate Bush both of whom, lets not forget, are, as a pair, just about as dumb as humans get whilst still being allowed to drive a car, but, still they wanted to occupy the most powerful position on the planet and one even took it!”
“Look here in Britain; Prime-ministers Tony Blair and David Cameron both admitted university experimentation with the plant and despite very little in the way of good character, intelligence or common sense both went on to lead Britian for two decades between them and of course we mustn’t forget the most successful Olympic athletes of all time Usain Bolt and Michael Phelps.”
“Each and every one of these driven individuals has used marijuana at some point and early indications are the more regular the usage, the more  successful the user is.”

Look,” interjected Dr Faquesit,“Phelps, Bolt and Branson are all self confessed occasional to regular users and all are unquestionably very high achievers. Whereas Blair, Bush and David Cameron all stopped smoking pot and now judge for yourself by assessing Cameron’s performance whilst holding the top job: he’s as much use to the people as a mouldy turnip!”
“And that’s still an improvement on Blair and Bush” joked an unnamed research fellow


Blair and Sir Branson, sharing more than a vibe?       


What did a joint do to poor Prince Harry’s ambition, King maybe?

David Cameron and Richard Branson

 The remarkable Sir Richard Branson and a mouldy Turnip

“Each and every one of these users appeared to have perfectly normal ambitions in their teens and yet after experimenting with marijuana each and every one felt the overwhelming drive and desire to do much more than a normal person would.”

“Dude, could we be, like, any richer?”

“It’s quite clear there is a definite and scientifically provable link, that’s not even remotely coincidental, between this casual marijuana use and a failure to be satisfied with attaining the levels of success even a highly ambitious person could retire in satisfaction having achieved. We found this to be universal, from Snoop Dog to Bill Gates, it’s an unimpeachable fact that Marijuana use was and is the ONLY common factor we can find between all these different high achievers. Ergo, ipso facto, ad hoc, post facto ham hock, it was the weed what made them a success.”

When the team was again challenged, this time by Walter Melon of the channel 4 news team, over the legitimacy of the results, Mr Melon even going so far as to state that he believed the conclusion “was fallacious and unscientific” because it “failed to account for people who were successful but weren’t marijuana users, nor account for people who smoked marijuana but weren’t successful.” Mrs. Faquesit-Phormoni retorted somewhat defensively:
“Nobody ever complained about our scientific method when we were saying cannabis was bad!”

The Minister for health, Jeremy Hunt MP, rumoured to want Mr Cameron’s job as leader before the next election. was sadly unavailable for comment at the time we went to press, but, his office stated he would be “available for interview” later this afternoon after he’d “ripped a fat bong and smoked a fatty”.

Don’t be slagging of Adolf, that’s Nazism-ism!

It’s another moment of language and terminology clarification so we can all better understand what it is we are talking about.

We will start with racism.
Racism, as it implies, is discrimination against a race.
Black, Asian and Caucasian are all illustrations of race.
Buddhist is not a race.
Racism therefore is the display of prejudice against people because they hold similar and distinct physical characteristics.
One can extend this in this day and age so as to include holding prejudice against a group based on nationality, so hating the French, whilst actually xenophobic can be called racism because I am flexible.
Discrimination against people coming from Syria because they are Syrian can also be called racism; however, racism does not include prejudice against those who hold a different faith; that is religious intolerance and bigotry.
To persecute someone for holding a different faith is not racism because a religion is not a race. Africans, Europeans, South Americans and Arabs all share faiths; you have Christians and Muslims who are separated by race but united by faith.
So, if it’s not racism what is it?
That brings us to that sticky word, newly added to our lexicon: Islamophobia. This is a tricky word; it implies an unnecessary and irrational fear of Islam. It is based on the idea that Islam is a faith and therefore it is harmless. Any fear of it isn’t based on knowledge but of scaremongering and misunderstanding. It’s portrayed to be equivalent to fearing all snakes because the rattler is poisonous. If Islam were only a faith then that could well be a valid viewpoint but it’s based upon a fundamental flaw in understanding; the misunderstanding that Islam, like Christianity, is a faith and only a faith. I have no fear of the Islamic faith, your choice of sky pixie bothers me not and I don’t care enough about people I don’t know to give much of a care for what a foreign nation chooses as it’s social system, but I do fear any uncompromisingly fascist political structure and it’s spread and that applies to Islam. The major problem is that unlike Nazism which could be separated from Christianity, the faith, the political structure and the legal system are indivisible because believing in God means believing in God’s law. Where you have a high population of Muslims you also have demands for the right to self govern under Sharia. Sharia and Islam cannot be separated, for Sharia is the Law of God. There is no such thing as communismphobia or nazismophobia because to fear, debate and vigorously prevent the spread of those brutal doctrines is considered normal, but, because the Islamic doctrine of fascism is hidden in the fluffy blanket of religious belief it is therefore protected by Human rights and the guarantee of freedom to worship.

It isn’t any kind of –ism or phobia to discuss or determine people’s right to enter a country based on fervently held political beliefs, it’s standard practice and unless we recognise Islam as more than a faith and allow ourselves to discuss the dangerous political side of Islam within the context of migration we will being doing our daughters a disservice of immense proportions.

Would you like an epidural?

Birth; was there ever a word more filled with hope?
Birth: the very definition of “new beginning”, of “clean slate” and a word ripe with potential. In the opinion of some the most beautiful and awe filled word in the English language… probably in any language.
People tend think of birth, for example the birth of a child, as a moment of beauty, a moment of celebration and joy, a moment to be preserved and treasured in the mind for all time.
Birth, most feel, is something worthy of reverence.

I have two kids and I can attest that the breath you take when you finally hear your child cry is one filled with joy and elation like no other moment in life, but, the moments leading up to that are to be forgotten. In fact, I think that said huge intake of breath is a trick of the body and serves to absorb a greater level of oxygen flooding your system creating an additional high so joyous and uplifting that it immediately consigns the memory’s MP4 file containing the preceding minutes straight to the trashcan in our minds.
We then go for a celebratory drink to permanently delete it; but, I digress, slightly.

Childbirth is horrendous and whilst I’m not prepared to go into the full horrors and traumas that are contained within that pregnant period before the ecstasy of delivery, in order to paint a tiny portion of the grotesque tableaux for the benefit of those yet to experience it, I shall simply say that the process of bringing a new life into this world gives most women haemorrhoids and leaves an even higher proportion with souvenir stitches in their vaginas.

If you didn’t just wince and squeeze your legs together you really need help.

Birth, be it of an idea, a country, an animal, a human or even new land from mother earth herself, is a violent and ugly experience filled with peril and, more often than not, involving bloodshed. Why anyone would want to record the process and show other people is completely beyond me.

“We recorded the birth of our big headed bairn, come see it on our big screen in HD; I tell you when his fat watermelon head crowns you can really see the ripping, it’s beautiful… There’ll cheese and wine too!”
“Sorry I’d love to, but I was planning on cutting my hand off tonight and spending the evening dipping the stump in, alternately, salt then vinegar until I pass out in agony. I’d love to come but really I can’t put it off again . Rain-check for next time I want to punish myself?”

There are few more violent and blood-soaked events in history than the birth of a nation.
The American War of Independence was not a pretty sight, but, it gave birth to a nation and an idea, an idea of such luminescence that, for a time, that idea shone a bright light onto some of the darker corners of the Western world and positively influenced the lives of others on the other side of the Atlantic. Their Civil war took things one stage further. This war pitched brother against brother as people across the nation looked inside their souls and picked a side to fight for. The “Underground railroad” was born as non-combatants risked their lives to aid, not just people, but, a cause that they believed in. On the Battlefields of Virginia, Pennsylvania, Tennessee and throughout the US, men young and old, fathers and sons, gave their lives with the hope they would play their part in shaping the land and society to reflect their values and desires.
At Gettysburg alone 160,000 men did battle. When the smoke settled, the smell of gunpowder receded and the cannon sat silent a quarter of their number had their names inscribed on the casualty list.
The French revolution, the English civil war, World Wars I and II and more recently the break-up of Yugoslavia, to name but a few; all come with a long casualty list, memorials, loss, atrocity and death. Men in every civilisation volunteered or were conscripted to fight for ideas and a significant number of those men gave their lives willingly to build a better future for us.
(I’ve said men above because I refer to soldiers primarily, but, behind the front line, and in makeshift hospitals on the frontline, women have stood alongside those men and supported them in whatever way they could, more often than not risking their lives as well.)
The only illustration of a nation emerging without bloodshed that I can think of would be the reunification of Germany, but, history shows us that with Germany the bloodshed tends to come later during their expansion phases.
I believe one should always try and view current events with one eye mindful of history’s lessons, allowing the triumphs and mistakes of the past to inform the action or inaction taken in the present.

It is said that in order for evil to triumph it needs nothing more than the inactivity of good men and I firmly believe this to be true.
Apathy from the good and compassionate combined with fear from the meek can easily signal victory for the determined who act with self-interest, malice or religious zeal in their hearts; turning what at first was a fight into a walkover for people we really don’t want to be in charge of countries.
Just for second imagine if the men of the North had fled to Canada instead of fighting against the South in the 1860’s.
What if the British had said to the Germans: “Just popping through Belgium you say? Well, there’s no need to fight if you’re just passing through on the way to spank the French.”.

Birth is ugly and I think we can be thankful that the birth of western societies took place in times before each and every moment was documented and uploaded in glorious HD to the internet and weakening the resolve of those who knew what was for the best, but, like most civilised humans, lacked the stomach to watch and witness it.
We should be grateful that these gruesome events took place before people had the choice to just run away instead of fighting for their belief, fighting against tyranny and oppression.
People would like us to assume that the refugees washing up on our shores, some literally, are good people and that they are people of sufficient moral and ethical character that we should bring them to our nations and house them. For the benefit of this discussion I will assume they are.
It is fortunate for us that our forefathers couldn’t flee, that those good men had no choice but to stand and fight, because their victories not only gave us freedoms and a hint of justice, tolerance and compassion, but also, the horror of their deaths, the visceral images of their sacrifice burned itself into the new nation’s or, later, the new world’s collective conscience and informed the mind-set of those who survived making them more determined in their efforts to build sustainable peace and not endure such horror again.
At the start of this decade the Middle-East and associated region experienced a flush of youthful uprising. An uprising spread using modern, western social networking and christened “the Arab spring” by those naïve and ignorant enough to believe it would lead to positive, peaceful democratic societies. A spring that the left wing, rose-tinted spectacle wearers believed would lead to a long, hot democratic summer filled with beach boys records and proportional representation.
There were those of us who screamed caution, spoke of inevitable civil wars and the subsequent expected rise of Islamic organisations being the best result, but, nobody wanted to listen to “pessimists”. There were those who believed that the “oppressive” dictators were better than the misogynistic governments who will eventually come to fill a power vacuum in any predominantly Muslim nation, for although it’s a simple logical deduction that If you give a Muslim nation a vote they’ll vote for a Muslim party to lead it’s not the hoped for outcome so people don’t want to accept that it’s likely to happen. Assuming this does happen it’s equally clear that a Muslim political party in power will in all likelihood suspend democracy (by hook or by crook) and declare that they had a mandate from the electorate to do so because democracy is HARAM in Islam, they represent Islam, and the people voted for Islam. (Democracy is haram because Islam already has a legal system, it’s not democracy nor is it democratic, it’s called Sharia and it’s the law of God.)
Nobody listened to those cautionary voices: they were castigated as right wing cynics with no faith in their fellow man and side-lined from the debate. Now those same bleeding hearts who prefer not to err on the side of caution or act with prudence want us to open our doors to those fleeing the conflicts that have resulted from the pressure they applied to our governments to help, through direct action or inaction, to overthrow said “evil” dictators. They who dream of utopia now say we should have compassion and demonstrate humanity towards our fellow man, this is exactly what they said before to encourage us to topple the stable governance that existed before.
Inevitably,they say our blood is the same colour when we bleed, we are a global village and we are all equal to get us to support their cause. Finally, they say we should see the photographs of dead children to understand and if we did, they say, we’d open our doors and our hearts.
Well, I say they’re fucking idiots.
If the people on our doorsteps are the good guys, if all those young single men are the people with values and morals like our own then surely those are the ones we want to emerge as the eventual victors in the region. How exactly will the desired side prevail if all its soldiers are claiming benefits or sweeping floors in Germany, Sweden and Britain?
If they aren’t people who believe our value system is better, our society’s are fairer and more just and don’t think that our way is the better way then why exactly would we want them?
If they do believe our way is better, our value system is what they want to live in then why not fight for it, remake their homelands onto something closer to their image of a fair society?

Isis will succeed if those who reside in the land it hopes to occupy run away.
If we let them run here, Europe, then we’re just helping ISIS win because we’re facilitating the removal of the opposition.
If the people running here don’t support ISIS then they really need to stay and make up the force that defends against it, but, if they do support the aims of ISIS, like 80% of Sunni Muslims do, but, don’t want to be around during the conflict then why would we want them in Europe?
The hopes of freedom, equality and justice flowering in the region will evaporate along with the physical legacy of humanity’s own development in the cradle of civilisation. The achievements of those upon whose shoulders we stand will be destroyed, erased from the face of the earth just like the statues of Buddha that once stood in Afghanistan or the Temple of Bel that until recently occupied Palmyra.
ISIS will succeed because the people of the region lack the strength, the conviction and maybe the desire to do battle against it and the West is neutered by 24 hour news coverage and the guilt that often comes with the thought of having to do the wrong thing to some because it’s the right thing to do for the rest.
We are humans, we are tribal, we care for those closest to us with a visceral passion and most of us do feel compassion for the rest of humanity; we don’t wish to see others suffer, we don’t wish to be cold, hard hearted or dismissive of others’ struggles, but, sometimes we know this suffering occurs because it must, because there must be loss and sacrifice if good is eventually to prevail.

Birth is ugly.
Birth is traumatic.
If you didn’t know that the pain and suffering lead to something wonderful you’d probably step in a try and stop it, compassion would lead one to make efforts to end the mother’s suffering and in doing so you’d almost certainly kill that new life and its potential.
The birth of a nation is no different to the birth of a child and we should be careful with our attempts at midwifery.

Warning: Some readers may find the following ideas disturbing.

I have to confess that I am completely unsurprised by the death of the two journalists in America. I believe the saying goes: “Give enough monkeys enough guns and enough cameras and you’re bound to get a live televised atrocity eventually” or something similar so, no, I’m not shocked in the slightest. It’s just another gun horror in America and yet another reason for the idiots on the right to stand up and deny the correlation between gun ownership, gun access and gun deaths. As Donald Trump said “It’s not a gun problem, it’s a mental problem” and, for once, I agree with him; there is clearly something wrong within a society when people feel the need to kill and maim each other on a regular basis. We only differ in this instance because I believe arming the homicidal, disgruntled, disaffected and downright stupid will lead to death and Donald et al don’t see it that way.
It’s a topic I’ve covered a multitude of time and I won’t belabour the point because no matter how much one tries to reason with these idiots you simply can’t argue with someone who thinks he needs to be armed to repel the invaders.
I’m not sure if it’s Cuba, Canada or Mexico planning this armed invasion, but, apparently you can never be too safe in the US of A.
There are 3 deaths an hour from firearms in the US, so I’m not surprised and I’ve come to the conclusion that they, Americans, clearly want to kill each other and I’m tired of trying to convince them to stop. Let’s just skip it and move on to “The Sun” and other Murdoch group newspapers.
I genuinely thought the Murdoch group had sunk as low as it could with the phonehacking scandal, but, no, I was wrong.
I once wrote a piece about the sensationalist and gory turn the news had taken. How once, horrors were described and the public protected from the “trauma” of witnessing the carnage, but, now our base instinct to “see for ourselves” is exploited to sell newspapers with little regard to morals or ethics. Last week it was the graphic images of the Shoreham aircrash and another new nadir had been reached, but, displaying unrivalled dedication to setting new benchmarks it hasn’t taken long for them to plumb yet deeper depths as today the Murdoch group published pictures of the moment the young journalist in Virginia was shot.
To add to the sensationalist nature of the front page and maximise the opportunity presented to them they published an image from the camera being held by the killer; a “point of view” image with the gunman’s hand visible in the shot. It looks just like a video game… Most of the papers who chose to publish this image chose the moment when a fine mist of blood is visible erupting from the fatally wounded young woman, but, The Sun, to be unique, chose the moment when there was muzzle flash in shot.
Lined up at the newsagents the assembled front pages made a wonderfully graphic greeting, a series of stills that together made a stop motion film of another human’s moment of death.
I’d like to say “Well done!” to them all; they’ve set a new standard for being amoral and unethical whores whose favourite practice is pimping the dead to sell a few more papers, to receive a few more hits and, of course, make a bit more money.
I believe I shouldn’t have to protect my young children from seeing the front page of the newspapers and yet they, the Murdoch Group and their ilk, display an overwhelming need to publish disaster porn to entice and titillate those customers whose curiosity outweighs their resilience and morality. I suggest that if they really feel the need to publish such images then they should be forced put the rag out wrapped in a black plastic bag with only the brand-name visible, like they do with all the other pornography. Actually, if I’m honest, I’d far rather my child saw a vagina than a murder, but, maybe it’s just me… Maybe I’m the one who’s out of touch; Maybe, I am out of step with modern times; Maybe, I’m simply mad? I still think grief is private, not an opportunity, but, I fear the majority wouldn’t agree with me.
They, the people who make up the market, seem to have an endless and voracious appetite for tragedy and are supported by many who believe censorship of any sort to be the first sign of totalitarianism and to be fought against with all the fervour they can muster and to hell with the collateral damage.
If the populace didn’t want to lap it up then they wouldn’t and the papers wouldn’t sell, the images and videos wouldn’t attract so many hits and the paper would be out of business pretty quick as people wouldn’t buy something that repulsed them with the content and/or the editorial policy. I must conclude, based on the evidence, that it is absolutely what the market wants.

Does one fight this apparent truth or choose to profit from it?
If we are giving the market what it wants and living in times where everything must be seen, everyone wants to be famous and death sells then why should I fight it?
Shorn of my burdensome morals what could I do?
Well, without the inconvenient voices of the dual angels, conscience and ethics, I have had me an idea, an idea loudly championed by the demons of greed and avarice:
Let’s give more Americans more guns!
Let’s also give out cameras to anyone who doesn’t already have one, free ammunition and then ramp up their paranoia levels and financially “incentivize” these fucking idiots to just kill each other and make sure they do it on camera.
No death should be a wasted death, an unprofitable death, so we scoop up all the footage and broadcast it on a dedicated channel, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!
We can have nightly round ups, hourly bulletins, twitter accounts telling people where the latest tragedy is happening so they can get down to film it… We can drag Jon Stewart out of retirement to present a humourous roundup of the funniest deaths complete with “looney-tunes” style sound effects!
I’m seeing holiday specials, theme shows and more: Imagine if next time the stock market crashes instead of investors and traders killing themselves in a cowardly and selfish manner, there was a way for them to raise some final revenue, some security for their loved ones and to go out in blaze of glory and who can think of a better way than by killing your co-workers in a psychotic rage, filming it and leaving the rights to your footage with your family as a nest egg. Bankers, traders and a hail of bullets… That would make a truly popular special.
Think about the integrated marketing opportunities and multiple revenue streams; think how much profit could be generated through a betting application allowing the public to get involved when some lost soul goes on a rampage!
People could bet on any and all outcomes; spread betting on the number killed or duration of rampage would be just the start! Bets could be taken on every conceivable scenario: if the shooter lives or dies, will they be shot or tasered, will they be taken down by authorities or a “have a go hero” looking for their own five minutes of fame?! I think I’m just scratching the surface of this modern media, multi-platform goldmine… Stream the whole lot to televisions via digital receiver, cable or Xbox, have apps for all tablets and smartphones so nobody need miss a minute of action and access to all content on all platforms for a simple monthly subscription fee.
Factor in the interactive betting app and I swear it’s got all the hallmarks of a real money spinner, all this incredible opportunity needs now is the backing and support from a practically soulless and ethically challenged billionaire whose greed and disregard for the rest of humanities’ value outweighs any hint of ethicality…
Come on Messrs Murdoch, this is clearly the wet fucking dream of opportunities, let’s talk share dividends and an executive producer’s salary.

V for Varoufakis!

I think it’s time we had a little chat, because, the truth is, there’s something very wrong with this world…

We are witness to the greatest heist of the, admittedly still young, 21st century. A heist of such audacity and brazenness combined with such lofty ambition that it ranks as one of the greatest robberies in all of history. Worse, it is being played out before us and we are ignoring it.
My adopted homeland having been, once again, plunged into chaos and handed further levels of unsustainable debt, is now being stripped of her final meaningful assets, the remaining profitable ones and her political system is descending into farce, though we will come to the resignations of Varoufakis and Tsipras shortly.

First, I think we should all just take a moment to understand that Greece is in the process of raising 50 Billion Euros through the forced sale of state owned assets.
The major deal has been finalised and contracts signed so that, for 1.3billion Euros, a German firm has secured a 40 year contract to “manage” 14 Greek airports.
All revenue from these assets will, for the next 40 years, flow through German hands not Greek; 14 airports… 40 years… 1.3 billion? Are you kidding me?!
That’s 93 million per airport for a forty year lease which breaks down to 2.3 million per year!
Most of these airports have been upgraded and expanded at public expense and most are, of course, popular tourist destinations.
If you don’t think this is a bargain then consider these facts:
The sales and reservation desks at Heathrow airport are rented by the airlines from the airport.
The lease, per year, on one of the larger booths is around 140,000 euro.
Every unit of space for everything you see, including the information desk, has to be leased from the airport;
Need check-in desks?… Well, that’s 2200 Euros per year. That’s per year and per square meter!
Airports are profitable, which of course is why the Germans want them and they just took them at the kind of price that would make even a banker feel slightly ashamed at his blatant thievery.
Marinas, ports, mineral rights, whole islands… All those assets that are still in the hands of the Greek people are to be given up for a fraction of their true market value as a condition of the third bail out. Please take into account that they’ve been forced to do this already as part of previous “bailouts”, which is why we’re near the bottom of the barrel and this time they’re even being forced to sell the lottery! Think just how little has to be left on the buffet table before you begin to gorge yourself on the corporate equivalent of dry muesli because that’s what a group is doing when it’s demanding the state lottery be included. It’s a heist and the thieves are even snatching the money generated from selling dreams to those from whom they’ve pretty much stolen everything else.
Stealing from those from whom has been stolen every last inch but one: their dignity, that final precious inch of dignity that is their freedom.
They’re trying to grab that as well by the way.

I want to make it perfectly clear what is happening here: Greece has debt, much of which is held by German banks and institutions; privately owned banks and institutions. The German government borrows money from these privately owned German banks and gives it to the Greeks. In return Greeks must sell their state owned assets. They’re forced to sell them at a fraction of the price they are worth and they’re selling to them to privately owned German companies. Privately owned German companies borrow money from privately owned German banks to buy the Greek states assets. German companies give the money they borrowed from German banks to the Greek government who then give it to their creditors, a consortium made up of, amongst others, the very same privately owned German banks and other privately owned financial institutions.
In conclusion:
Greeks have more debt, less revenue, less assets, less opportunity.
German bankers increased their profits and holdings, German industrialists and their shareholders increase their profits and holdings, Germany itself increase profits through taxes and from all the benefits that come with increased confidence in your financial markets.
It’s illogical, it’s economically unsustainable, it’s theft and we’re all standing idly by entranced by Miley Cyrus’s bikini line and has-been celebrities cutting a rug on a show hosted by a man wearing one.
Angry?… People, I’m fucking seething and I’ve haven’t even come to the crushing disappointment of Alekos Tsipras.
Well, clearly I have now, so…
Here is a man who sat down at the big boy’s poker table and had the hands to run it (apologies Victoria Cohen, I know the female of the species can play too). He came to power holding most of the cards, surfing on a wave of anti-austerity rhetoric and with great support both from the people and the support of the man who stood by his side; a man of charisma, intellect and that certain je ne sais quoi; a man with the gravitas of a sun.
It also appears he had custody of the big balls, but, I’m getting ahead of myself.
When they, the syriza government, launched their bold strategy of holding a referendum I was very excited; finally, I thought, here come some people who know how to play the game. When they received an overwhelming mandate of support for bold action, to reject more forced loans and privatisations, the authority to secede from the union if necessary, I believed there would be real change and that a daring strategy would pay dividends.
He who dares wins they say.
I imagined a world where Varoufakis would be allowed to propose legislation that would expose German interest for what it was, self -interest, not aiding but gaining, profiting from another nations misery, his nation’s misery. I foresaw legislation aimed at growing the economy, creating jobs and a tax policy that would reward companies for relocating to Greece, more that would reward farmers for their labour and stimulate agricultural jobs. I wanted to see proposals for import taxes on (mainly German manufactured) luxury goods, levies even more extreme than they currently are. I wanted a policy to ensure foreign companies like Lidl paid the tax they were due to in Greece.
I wanted them to agree to The Overlord’s demands, and those demands of their representative Frau Merkel, to put higher levels of VAT on basics like food, but, for the good of the Greek economy and therefore it’s creditors hopes of repayment, I hoped they would propose to put higher levels of VAT only on goods produced outside of Greece and imported in thus combating the influence of the European super producers and giving the Greek smallholder, who once provided enough food to feed the whole country, a chance to do so again.
When the IMF, powerful foreign governments and respected economists all appeared to side with Syriza on the need major changes I was absolutely ecstatic, buoyed by the potential for justice.

I guess I expected too much of a young firebrand politician emboldened by his apparent pride in his country and with the courage to fight when he was gifted such an overwhelming mandate to act as he saw fit. Instead Varoufakis went.
The press across Europe had begun to chop away at the man and now they implied he was duplicitous; his duplication of the entire countries tax records was seen as deceitful and worse. The fact that he was making preparations so that the Greek government could still function if they were to leave the Euro seemed to be swept under the table so we wouldn’t even contemplate it and instead we would begin to doubt the man.
It fit nicely into our standard racial stereotypes to see him this way and perceive his acts as pernicious. The propaganda war to discredit Varoufakis had taken its first good swing and, for one reason or another, the charismatic Greek was counted out and no longer allowed to continue the fight.
Duplicity, they implied, was the man’s nature and who knows what else could be found to ruin him…
Duplicity isn’t taking action in case the opposition fight dirty (which they did). Real duplicity is the German government pretending to agonise over the merits of giving the Greeks more money when it’s so extraordinarily profitable, Deceit is any implication of indecision on their behalf. It’s nothing more than a sham, an act, so as to disguise just how keen they are to keep the cycle going. The cycle being:
Pretend money being exchanged for real assets, real sovereignty and for real democracy.
The cycle has to stop and the man who stood up and said “I can and will stop this!”, who made his country believe, who went to all the effort to seize the power to enable him to act turned out to actually lack the will to do so and he inevitably flopped to the floor like a freshly landed trout.
He, Tsipras, shorn of the indignant Varoufakis shaped conscience on his shoulder, caved in and signed a shit deal, the exact kind he railed against and swore he wouldn’t sign. Now has come the next part of Alekos Tsipras’s master plan: resign and hold new elections.
I really think he took the whole “two negatives make a positive” mathematical theory out of context and is applying it to chaos and political theory:
Financial chaos (-) plus political chaos (-) = a bright and rosy future(+)!
Now, and I know I’m a dimwit so please feel to correct me mathematicians and physicists, but, I don’t think that’s how it works! I think how it works is financial chaos and political chaos with no leadership leads to a meltdown and societal collapse. I could be wrong, I’m not 100% with maths and consequences, but I think that’s how it works.

This election, in which Tsipras seeks validation from the electorate for siging the bailout terms and overseeing their ratification in parliament (a validation he will not receive) will achieve nothing but to further fracture a nation that had already seen political and societal divides the size of canyons open up and threaten to swallow society whole.
It will do nothing but provide the opportunity for the old guard and their European masters to seize control and revert to a process of acting in the best interest of themselves and the foreign elite. We may well see another EU approved technocrat government.
There’s supposed to be a choice in an election but, with Tsipras having been castrated and Varoufakis exiled, the choices are rather like the choice between being shot behind the storage shed or shot behind the chemical shed.
Really, can’t we all agree that’s not much of a choice at all.

I don’t want to see that and we shouldn’t have to see that. The people of Greece should get what they were promised: Hope, leadership, growth. It should be their reward for being brave enough to stand up and say “No, this is not right and you may not take our sovereignty” and so it is that I find myself wishing for a comeback from the man with courage, a sense of justice and popular support.

In my vision he rises again from the political ashes, strengthened and forged by the burning fires of torment, frustration and pain.
I see him more determined than ever as he strides forth, tall and proud, empowered by unseen forces and growing in stature with each step across the political stage as he prepares to speak to the masses.
Finally, he stands before them; not as a man, but, as the embodiment of an idea; an idea that freedom and dignity are not for sale. He reaches the dais and speaks:

“Voters;” He begins “I will vanquish the vexations of the now vehemently vengeful vox populi, be victorious over the vicious visions of the vile and the villainous.”
“I, the veridical now vindicated, vie to vigilantly vouchsafe with veritable verbiage, not vapid verbosity, the votive of the venerable vow ‘vox populi vox dei’!”…
“Vote for Varoufakis and vote victory for voters”

I know it’s a dream but it doesn’t have to be so here is my direct appeal to Giannis Varoufakis:
C’mon man, get up off the floor and lead your people!
It can be done and they can be saved!

I’ll even buy you a Fauwkesian mask and a cape if it will help.

Someone call a landscape architect, we need to get rid of this bush before it ruins the garden of Eden.

Like many my vintage and younger, growing up in the media age, I was raised in the thrall of the US of A.
A land, portrayed in the world of celluloid as a paradise; a land of fairness, equality and justice for all; defenders of liberty and freedom… America was the stunning woman, holding court to rapturous laughter on the other side of the bar whilst I sat with the  dumpy fishwife of a nation. There she was a 6ft, witty, intelligent, curvaceous Goddess whose beauty would make even Athena herself whack on a burka!
Yeah, I know, I know, but, I was young and impressionable, I believed the contents adverts, in Yoda, in the tooth fairy; I even thought God was real too.
As I grew up I got to see more of this woman, this America, fell for her charms harder, my love for her growing deeper, despite only knowing her from afar.
Then, one day, much to my horror, I got close enough to see and hear her with my own eyes and ears, not just the idealised projected image of her from afar that entranced so many, and what I saw ended my love affair in an instant.
This was no Einstein matching starlet; the face that greeted me was one of a crinkled, dead eyed whore. An old, syphilis crazed, herpes infected, aids riddled, gun-toting loon, caked in make-up to disguise her age and disease scabbed face.
The crowd had not been enthralled and jollied by her wit, they were laughing at her; hysterical at her ridiculous and insane prattling and desperately trying to humour her in case she went bat shit crazy, as she did once a decade, and started shooting people with all the verve, vigour and discrimination of an angry 15 year old in a Mid-western high school.

The oval office was occupied by a man named Bush and he and a coalition had just started knocking ten barrels out of Iraq (or ten million barrels, I’m not 100% sure); every bombing broadcast live on 24 hour news for our delectation.

A culture of anti-intellectualism was sweeping the country, a war against critical thought and analysis was being waged and the Persian Gulf was the distraction. This disease of idiocy was spreading, permeating, disseminating through the media that had once so enthralled me.
Opinion makers from every field were replaced with younger, prettier, better preened fuckwits who, far from being opinion makers, couldn’t form an opinion in their heads or question the logic of the one they were taught to parrot at every opportunity.
Nobody is entirely sure where this dumb disease originated, who was “patient X” so to speak, but, just as scientific minds have speculated that Aids transferred from monkeys into our species through Human-primate interaction, it is believed dumbness spread virulently after humans interacted with a Bush and it’s also aided in it’s spread by some sort of Fox.

4 years later and Bush was replaced with an Arkansas man, dressed in the clothing of a libertarian and with the affectations of a hipster, but, the heart and soul of a moderate conservative. He played the sax, smoked pot and got blown by voluptuous brunette secretaries; he was charming and garrulous in that plain-spoken, awww shucks pal, way. I quite liked him, but I wasn’t fooled completely by his patter.
Sadly, that penchant for getting a hummer was a bummer and he was impeached for the words “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”.
(So much for “what happens in the oval office stays in the oval office”… Or, Is that “what happens in Vegas”? Or,” what happens in the stock exchange?” I don’t remember; it’s definitely somewhere they do a lot of high stakes gambling.)

Then came the great brain robbery of 2001, an election stolen and history began to repeat itself.
By this point the nation I once adored had become so mentally discombobulated they didn’t question the result, nor complain about the fraud when told about it.
They didn’t seem to care that the King of the malapropism had seized power, that their once free country had become an aristocratic society with greater social divides than that of cake munching Marie Antoinette’s France or apartheid South Africa.
Democracy had been stolen from them and it now lay in the hands of the elite, they bought and sold politicians and political opinion like they traded cars, paintings and yachts.
Politicians’ votes were added to the necessary cost of business; just another employee to be added to the payroll except this one got serious benefits.
On September the 11th 2001 I, along with most of the world, watched a plane fly into a building on live TV. This was the second plane to hit and one of four that would be reported throughout the day.
In the days that followed we were given an explanation to soothe our baffled and terrified minds. A story of hijackings, terrorists, brave passengers and structural failure which we took in and believed because we needed to believe.

Another coalition was formed and we invaded Iraq.
15 years later, near 4 full presidential terms later and we can see the effect this has had on the region, the cost to our countries’ economic well-being and our international relations.

Yesterday, another presidential candidate called Bush stood in front a crowd of journalists and cameras and, for the second time in as many weeks (second that I am aware of), blamed his brother’s mess in Iraq on Presidents Obama and Clinton. His logic, if I can call it that, is Clinton didn’t do enough to keep Saddam and his WMD programme under control so is responsible for that and also for ignoring the threat of Islamic terrorism; and Obama for treating Iraq like an Irish catholic treats his wife, fucking her but pulling out too soon before the job was finished.
Last week, recorder on cellphone, he was challenged on this point by a thirteen year old girl who tried to grill him like Paxman. Jeb, being a Bush, told her “they’d have to agree to disagree”, in a manner that suggested recent historical facts were something to be debated like a psychology grads dissertation hypothesis!
The young girl came off from this encounter looking like she actually was Paxman or Jon Stewart and Jeb looked like an ignorant fantasist, a peddler of ridiculous lies and a man who thinks the American public really are that gullible.
Not one of the assembled journalists, investigative reporters, news men and women could muster up the testicular fortitude to ask the obvious question:
“Mr. Bush, are you really that fucking stupid?!”
“Mr Bush, do you really believe the American voter is that fucking stupid, that brain-addled that they can’t remember what happened in the last 15 years with some degree accuracy?”

I’m like a man who, after years of self-discovery, sexual experimentation and walking both sides of the sexual line has finally realised he is gay.
Basically: I’ve had more than enough Bush for one lifetime!

I lay awake last night, thinking about Jeb Bush for President; my insomnia gave me time to think, to ruminate and ponder. I thought about how daft people would have to be to vote him in; how imbecilic they would need to be to believe his ridiculous lies (falsehoods that are easily proven false); I thought about just how retarded a bunch of mewling, lobotomised fuckwits demonstrating previously unforeseen levels of thoughtless ignorance it would take to vote Jeb into the Oval office to sit as the 45th President of the United States.
Then, this morning, as a new dawn broke, I decided to write this piece because I realised he might just win.

Trump Tax plan revealed

Important post ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ news as new Trump tax plan revealed: 
If Elected everyone from the upper middle classes downwards will be taxed of 60% of their monthly joy.
Those on foodstamps will receive no joy whatsoever. 
“These freeloaders and layabouts of the working and middle classes simply haven’t worked hard enough to enjoy the right to such high levels of joy and so it will be collected and fairly redistributed to billionaires for whom money hasn’t quite produced the sort of joy they expected it to.” Trump announced from behind a unruly mob… of hair.
I for one would Vote Trump in 2016, he clearly knows who deserves happiness and, more importantly, who doesn’t.