Why does the magician’s assistant always looks good in a bikini?

I must be a crazy person.
Since the Malaysian airlines flight crashed in “Russian occupied” Ukraine the newspapers and news are covered in headlines such as:
“Putin’s victims” with accompanying photos of every victim.
“Putin Killed my son!” A fathers accusation stands large on the cover.
“Cover up: Russian rebels destroy MH17 evidence”
“Putin’s Missile!”

From the moment the plane went down the media have been there, from the moment it went down, to tell us who was responsible, put faces to names, provide us with interviews with grieving relatives and above all make us realize that the economic sanctions that The United States is pushing for and the lesser,  termed by the Americans as “insufficient”, sanctions that the Europeans are seeking to impose are needed. “Necessary”.
We must immediately  sanction Russia, its leader is a monster and they’re a danger to the world.

For those of us with an eye on history, economics, debt holdings of major economies and a healthy dose of skepticism this was not good. Who the hell loses their family in a tragic incident and just can’t wait to give interviews to the media?
What came next was ridiculous.
Regular readers will know that I suggested the whole thing could be a “redflag” operation. For anyone who’s familiar with the latest re-imagination of Sherlock Holmes, the one starring the rather fine Benedict “Cumberbund”, there is an episode involving a plane full of corpses and operation “Coventry”, I found it quite easy to picture such a scenario having happened in this instance.
It would appear that the Russians are also into their BBC series, I’m guessing they’ve got iPlayer, because they too have seen this episode!
The Russian rebel Commander, clearly a mental and clearly a plagiarist unable to come up with his own story, claimed that the bodies they were recovering had been drained of blood and reeked of decomposition meaning they had been dead for three or four days.
What a loon!
Fortunately the British press, in the main, did the sensible thing and didn’t publish much of these sensationalist claims, gave this madman and his mental health issues a wide birth.

Good Chaps… must keep the people informed with the right news, you know. Make sure they come to the correct conclusions.

Next thing you know the drunken and imaginative psychopaths will be claiming that the bodies they put on the train to ship back are not the same ones we’ll be taking off!
Finally, when  chutzpah reaches epic proportions and this lunacy is at the peak of its power one of them will be heard claiming that the plane that crashed was MH370 and not MH17 at all.
He’ll claim that it was the Malaysian airliner that completely vanished and has never been seen or heard from despite extensive searches and of course the almost complete coverage of the globe by satellite cameras and tracking systems. Someone’s blatantly been at his subordinates vodka rations and anyway, the rebels are tampering with the evidence to remove evidence of their complicity and probably they’ll decide to make it look like it wasn’t MH17 at all. I expect we’ll read about it in the news.

The fact that substantial portions of American debt is held by Russia, China and the Middle East and that Europe buys its gas from Russia and our account balance is, to say the least, worryingly high are totally irrelevant pieces of information.
The Russians are committing atrocities, they’re monsters, their leader is a violent, immoral dictator ruling with an iron fist and we need to take action now. That action should be nothing less than they deserve and so we should definitely stop paying our bills, freeze the accounts and assets of some of Russia’s richest men and stop the general populace of the west from buying Russian products in order to stop bolstering their economy.
We must, through sanction, isolate Russia and bring the economy, the people and thus the leaders to their knees.

“That’ll learn ‘em!” says Dave from South London, Sun reader, on the sanctions.

I wonder how long it will be before the bullets start flying?

Why is it that I look at the world in this way?  I have a little cautionary piece of history to explain:
The Greeks swore the Turks shot first;
The Turks swore blind that the Greeks shot first;
That an Italian Captain obeyed his orders and shot first didn’t matter to the dead and dying as Smyrna burnt to the ground.
The Greeks still blame the Turks.
The Turks still blame the Greeks.
Only academics care about the truth.

The golden orb in the scepter of multicultural harmony that Smyrna represented was wiped from the face of the earth and her like has never been seen since.
Her inhabitants?
Those who hadn’t already fled were killed or driven into the sea whilst Allied boats sat offshore under orders to refuse aid and not to pick up those who were lucky enough to not drown immediately.
The number of survivors of this once great city were immeasurably few.
Each nation involved had its own agenda, its own plan and acted according, not to morality, humanity or compassion, but, solely in its own interest and when one party exploited the tensions between two ancient enemies, lit the fuse on the powder keg without care or concern for those who perished as a result, the rest of those on the periphery stood by and watched.
Do we honestly believe we are any less susceptible to manipulation, any wiser to propaganda or cleverer than our predecessors?
Our predecessors who weren’t blinded by celebrity flotsam and jetsam, who were engaged in the political process and yet, time and time again, were hoodwinked into “ righteous” wars.

I try to remember my childhood and how convinced I was that the cold war was perpetuated by the Russians continual and unrelenting addition to their already mammoth stockpile of world ending nuclear weapons.
I recall how shocked I was to discover the Russians had repeatedly proposed complete nuclear disarmament only to be rebuffed by successive American presidents and that the number of warheads they held never amounted to more than 40% of those held by the Americans… until now. Now the Russians have up to 12,000 warheads stockpiled, some ready, some decommissioned, but, probably, able to be made serviceable.  The Americans have, it is estimated, 2150 warheads, all of which are ready and waiting, properly maintained and in good working order.
Will we see the beginning of a new arms race?
Will we again be taught to duck and cover and talk of 3 minute warnings?

The good news for me is that I am ineligible for service. I can’t be called up to serve. I’m close enough to the last man on their list to be certain I won’t be sent to hold the line whilst the drones fly overhead engaging the million man army that we bait into becoming our enemy.
I only hope your friends, family, husbands, sons and fathers can say the same.

One other thing about MH17…

Nearly 500 residents of Gaza have died during the “current hostilities”, the majority of whom were innocent civilians.
The Israeli death toll stands at 18 soldiers and 2 civilians.
The media would still like you to believe this is something resembling a fair fight.
In one incident 7 soldiers were killed in the same vehicle and owing to additional casualties sustained during some fierce “battling” the total Israeli death toll for that day was 11 soldiers.
This was the single highest Israeli daily death toll since 2006 and Israel is not used to suffering such high losses.
That very same day more than 100 residents of Gaza died.
This wasn’t a record of any sort for Palestine.
When the death toll of one side so heavily outstrips the other and when the majority of those deaths are civilian, non-combatants, it is not called a war; It’s called genocide.
A slow, insidious genocide.

Are you paying attention to it or are you looking at the faces of dead innocent tourists and wondering what Putin will do next?

Originally, I was going to post a quick pun, a Friday funny…

Then I went on the internet, visited some news articles read some news and the subsequent comments and now I find myself with a few questions.
Questions first then the pun’s down the bottom.

Tanks are ploughing through Gaza, people are dying, children lay still, never to move again. And an Israeli soldier has died during the offensive. My heart doesn’t bleed.
I was once a supporter of Israel, but, now I find I have little remaining sympathy for the state of Israel.
I do not support the acts of Hamas either.
Like the IRA I believe their complaint is completely warranted, they have the right to fight, but, terrorism is not the way to express this.
Yes, oppression needs to be fought, but, not by blowing up children. They are not your enemy and whilst an argument can be made that they one day will be, the truth is, only if you continue the status quo. Make change they may grow to be your friends and not your enemy.

The issue of Israel is even more complicated than Ireland.
We, in the Christian world, are told the tale of the expulsion of the Jews from the lands of Judaea from day one. It’s a fundamental part of our early learning. It’s a belief ingrained into us along with God, Jesus and not to walk under ladders. It’s part and parcel of religious and moral teaching. The only difference being that there is a record of its occurrence in period writing. So, it’s one of them fact things. We know it happened and so the Jewish people, living in their traditional homeland, returning to their lands in a Jewish state seems just.
The question is: what if the expulsion of the Jews from the lands of Judaea never actually happened?
What if the People of Judaea weren’t driven from their lands until the Palestinians, as they had now become, were forced out to enable the formation of Israel?
What if it had been shown that the Roman Caesar and a writer had created the legend of the expulsion for mutual gain? What if when we think about the right of the people of biblical Judaea being allowed to return to their homeland we understand that the description is only really accurate in reference to the Palestinian people? That would certainly alter the generally perceived wisdom on the situation. We come to the current crisis. Here’s a quick look at the events.
Three Israeli teenagers go missing, then turn up dead.
Israel reacts by bombing Hamas leaders and installations, killing tens of people, many with no connection to Hamas whatsoever.
Palestinians fire some rockets, the little ones you can easily move round, and fires them at the Israeli “Iron dome” defense system. A few of these rockets get through.
A Palestinian teen is kidnapped and murdered in brutal fashion. It is presumed a revenge attack by Jewish radicals.
There’s more rockets fired and Israel drops more bombs from planes.
Israel targets four Palestinian children fleeing a beach. This incident is captured on film by multiple sources including at least one team of western journalists.
Israel begins its ground offensive. They attack using American supplied tanks.
The Palestinians defend themselves using twenty year old Toyota trucks, 30 year old Mercedes saloons and 40 year old Volkswagen campers. Comments of “Israel has a right to defend itself”, “Israel must fight Islamic terrorism”, “Palestinian terrorists must be wiped out before peace can be reached” are met by “Allah will see to the destruction of the Jews” and “Israeli terrorists and occupiers should meet their death at the hands of Martyrs”.
People invoking religion and founding their opinion on religious divide have nothing of any use to contribute to the discussion and solution. The spreading of hate and the failure to see balance because of religious distortion are what we have enough of, we don’t need more. Children are being blown up and quite frankly I don’t think it matters which magical pixie their parents pray too, they’re kids and they shouldn’t be dying because we’re blinded by fairy tales and lies. What will happen now? The Israelis will go as far into Gaza as they want, kill as many Palestinians as they want. Eventually they will fall back and, post offensive, will feel the need to extend the exclusion zone between Israel and Gaza in order to adequately maintain the safety and security of its citizens.
This extra will come from the Palestinian side of the line.
Settlers will begin developing on these lands and the whole cycle will begin again.
America will block any UN censure of Israel’s actions or peace keeping involvement. That’s what’s happened in the past and what will happen based on the pattern established by every single previous encounter between the two sides.

So, what if those three poor teens weren’t taken by Palestinians at all?
What if they were taken as part of an operation designed to provoke just such a situation in order make another land grab and scupper any peace talks?
After all, it will be said that it wasn’t Israel that caused the talks to break down, it was the acts of palestinians and, in particular, Hamas. As it was once the PLO and Arafat.

Who knows, not me, I just wonder and have given up being shocked at the lengths a government is prepared to go to in order to achieve it’s overall aims and unstated goals.

What if it isn’t a conspiracy, what if it was a paedophile ring who killed those boys and have worked out a very smart way of disposing of the victims?
Did anyone think of that?
Did they bollocks! There was no time for an investigation, they just started bombing.

Let’s assume though, that all is as it purports to be and the boys met their tragic end at the hands of the enemy. Is the response justified?
Is the reaction balanced?
Is it the acceptable reaction of a country so militarily superior and with such tenuous moral justification for its own existence?

Did we bomb Portugal when Madeleine McCann went missing?

People often discuss the blight of Islamic terrorism and how Israel need support as it is at the forefront of the fight against Islamic terrorism.
I can see what they are saying. I get that point of view, even thought it once, but, then, I asked myself a question:
What if the root cause of Islamic terrorism is Israel?
What if the Allied powers decision to take the lands of the Palestinians and give it to the Jewish people for the purpose of creating a Jewish state is what pissed them all off in the first place?
What if we poured even more fuel on the fire when we carved up the lands of Arabia and the middle east and installed puppet royalty who garnered enormous wealth selling us the oil at pre-agreed preferential prices and used weapons and money we gave them to oppress the people of their lands in order to maintain the status quo?
What if those two things are the reason why we find ourselves targeted by Islamic terrorism?
What if when the people of Iran liberated themselves from the puppet dictator we installed and gave birth to the Islamic worlds first democracy we reacted by giving their neighbor, one Saddam Hussein, bundles of money and weapons to invade them and the Islamic world thought that was a bit mean?
What if, when Saddam Hussein attempted to retake the oil field that had originally been part of Iraq, but were carved off to create Kuwait and the Kuwaiti royal family asked for us to come help we came and invaded Iraq to teach them to keep their hands of our friends oil fields, the one’s we’d given them they all thought that by now we were taking the piss.
Finally, when we made up a bullshit story about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq a second time, turned it into hell and seemed to be proud of our achievement we proved we just don’t learn and to them we are truly devils?

My point is this, we lack media plurality.
The majority of sources have an inherent bias from one point of view or another. Media gets much of its “facts” from government sources and those are not as truthful as we would like to believe.
Our Journalists no longer seem to have either the appetite or forum for true investigative journalism and the publishing of truth, not opinion or outright lie.

What if the Malaysian flight was not brought down by Russian separatists? What if it was very deliberately brought down by those forces who wish us to sanction Russia and cripple it’s economy in what is known as a “red flag operation”?

The American invasion of Korea was commenced on the basis of a red flag operation and it has been a technique used by leaders to manipulate public outrage since leaders existed.
If we don’t ask all the questions for ourselves, attempt to look at all possibilities not just the one we’re given as the assumed fact, then no one else is going to do it for us. Inevitably, unchecked power hungry immoral people running amok and out of control telling us lies to gain our support will lead us nowhere but into hell.

What” is a very dangerous word and along with why, how, who and where are right up the list  of the most feared words that can be directed at a politician (affair, bung, scandal, rent boy and expenses filling out the top ten)

So, what was that pun?
“I was going to go to The Del Boy University of Independent Trading, but, when I went to look around it was only fools on courses.”
Mange tout, mange tout.
have thoughtful and fun weekend.

Maybe the Rabbit hole was the safest place for Alice.

I am, as regular readers will know, a father of two little girls.
They’re both beautiful. I don’t mean beautiful in the sense I’m their dad and they’re all beautiful when they’re your own; I mean people stop us in the street and airports and comment on it beautiful.
I can only say they’re damn lucky they got a lot of their mother in the right places.
As a consequence of having two girls I find my somewhat extreme views on paedophiles  and paederasts have,  remarkably, become even more extreme.
When it comes to paedarism I make Boko Haram look like liberals.
Before, I used to think that chemical castration and a long life behind bars, not in segregated sections, but, in with the general population was a fitting punishment. Now though, I find I lean a little more towards removal of hands and genitals along with a sizeable brand or tattoo on the face that clearly says “I am a nonce”… that’ll do, for a start.

I remember seeing  the closing ceremony of the 2008 Olympics when Jimmy Page “legendary” Led Zeppelin guitarist appeared with other selected “dignitaries” to represent Britain and thinking to myself “How can this man be chosen to represent Britain on one of the greatest of all stages?”. I thought that just because someone’s old doesn’t mean they’ve changed or have become cleansed sufficiently to represent us the British public.
The name Lori Maddox seems to have been wiped from memory.

Then came, at first rumours then,  revelations about once-beloved entertainer, marathon runner, cigar enthusiast and wish granter Jimmy Saville.
Each new disclosure and allegation regarding this man shocks and, whilst anyone aware of his relationship with his mother knew he was “a bit peculiar”, the depths of his depravity and the systematic manner in which he went about abusing victims demonstrate that behind the smiling façade was a true predator, remorseless and unrelenting.
Of course, there’s always a silver lining: I used to be jealous that despite all the letters I sent Jim never fixed it for me. Not so much anymore. The BBC obviously never explained it was a reciprocal arrangement to get on the show, a kind of  “you scratch my back and I’ll touch your front” deal.

Next began the accusations against antipodean artist, amish-style beard enthusiast and wobble-board waggler Rolf “can you tell what is yet?” Harris.
I had heard rumour that the man had issues keeping his hands off  female graduates when booked to perform at student unions for valedictorian balls and when Rolf asked “can you tell what it is yet?” the answer was usually Rolf’s hand and it was groping your arse. However, these were young ladies in their twenties and as inappropriate as that is, in my mind it’s a world away from child molestation, so, it was a real struggle to come to terms with Rolf being an actual kiddy fiddler. It still is. I will never be able to listen to “Two little boys” with their “two little toys” again without feeling a bit peculiar.
5 years 9 months might sound like a long while, but, it’s not near long enough.

Sitting in the car, one Saturday morning, the radio began to talk about the late politician, regional accent supporter and pie enthusiast Cyril Smith.
An immense man of apparently immense appetites from the Northern town of Rochdale, he stood for the Labour party for many, many years and then became part of what we now call the Liberal Democrats, all as the MP for Rochdale.
The Right Honourable member of parliament for Rochdale.
He too, it is alleged, was another member of the establishment who’s tastes clearly ran to fruit that wasn’t ripe nor ready to be plucked.
This case, even more so than the investigation into Saville and friends has shown us, to borrow a popular and very apt phrase, “just how deep the rabbit hole goes”.

Historical allegations hushed up and swept away.
High level Police complicity.
High level government involvement.
Missing files and evidence.
Prosecutions halted.
Allegations that witnesses and investigators were intimidated into silence. Some, including former police officers, claim they were intimidated and threatened by members of Special Branch.

Then, finally, came the realisation that those now being named were all in positions of such sensitivity, and/or, had met the Queen, received awards at Buckingham Palace from The Monarch and therefore must, and I do mean MUST, have been continuously vetted, and heavily vetted at that, by Britain’s security services!
This has led me to the logical assumption that it would have taken a miraculous level of willful ignorance to not have discovered the activities of these deviants  and, in all probability, someone, somewhere decided to let them continue unabated.

For some things there can be no question as some things are not up for debate.
Some things cannot be forgiven and if there is no punishment for the transgressor, some things do not heal with time… They just get worse, eat away at the soul of the victim and continue to destroy their life long after the offense was committed.

Perhaps if our press spent more time on investigative journalism instead of sensationalist journalism or perhaps if we had greater media plurality this seemingly serial child abuse wouldn’t have continued, and perhaps continues, unabated and may not have rotted out the base of trust the public placed in the three great pillars of British society: The Houses of Parliament, The BBC and The Church.
Rotted each so thoroughly they are all threatened with collapse.

Thinking back to the Beijing Olympics’ closing ceremony and the handing over from the Chinese to the British it is clear I was mistaken in my initial conclusion that these people didn’t represent Britain. They perfectly represented Britain.
Leona Lewis showed us the multiculturalism of Britain, the need for talented people to participate in awful talent contests to succeed, and the British publics’ obsession with women in possession of a cracking pair of chesticles.
Boris Johnson represented the spoilt, out of touch toff, living a life beyond his intellectual capacity by virtue of “fortunate” breeding.
David Beckham appeared for the illiterate and unintelligible under-educated Britons who value style over substance.
And, of course, last but not least Jimmy Page. He was there for the sexual deviant, the child molester and child rapist, maintaining the veneer of a respectable life as part of the upper echelons of “The Establishment”  whilst their horrific crimes go unpunished.

They really did cover all the bases.

Interlude explained

Real life has once more intruded upon the creative process. the pressure of finding houses in a very competitive market, a real job and the usual childrens’ shenanigans have meant no time whatsoever for writing.
This is just how it is at the moment, so, I’m having another period of creative abstinence.

So, here, in the absence of anything else to write is this this little story about arriving back in Britain.
Having arrived at the airport we, the family and I,  were faced with the usual huge queue one encounters at any UK airport. After 10 minutes, or so, Mrs. Baboon turned to me and inquired as to why i thought “They all looked so unhappy
I gave the matter a moments thought and began.

Well, imagine if you’d come all the way to Britain, like you did, but, with no English and a suitcase full of courage. Your head and heart filled, like an over-inflated balloon, with dreams of a fantastic new life in the economic paradise of beautiful Britain,

She nodded enthusiastically remembering her own hopes, dreams and fears as a one time fresh faced immigrant.

… and now,” I continued “Imagine if instead of living your hopes and dreams you, to your immense disappointment, found yourself working at the UK border agency, checking passports… You’d look bloody pissed off too!”

If you’ve been through a British airport you’ll get it.


All the worlds problems solved by a Dick.

Ok, so, I recently took up computer hacking and managed to gain access to a secret server in the GOP building, the home of the republican party. This shocking memo was penned by Big Dick Cheney and stored in the “election strategy 2016/2020″ file, allegedly.

I don’t know what it all means, it’s beyond me, but, I think it explains the US government’s attitude to the environment and it’s foreign policy.
Without further ado, here it is.

From the desk of (vice) President Cheney.
The Secret Bunker.

RE: The Cheney/God action plan 2016 and beyond.

Dear fellow members of the GOP,

I am writing to you all today as last night God came down to me, again, and once more unveiled His plan of action to me.
Over a fine glass of Scotch, a 150 year old single malt that God brought with him, He, with a big h, explained to me that we need not worry about diminishing oil, wildlife and air quality as He actually has a big plan and I was to be, quite literally, His sword.
First, He said, we needed to have a global war or more accurately several large wars encompassing the entire globe.
We would need to stage one on the borders of Europe somewhere near Ukraine to get the Russians and the Europeans killing each other. We should aim to eventually drag in the Turks too. He, our Lord, said the Turks would be killing Kurds at the first opportunity, so, if there were to be a Kurdish terror attack in a Turkish city and, to quote God, “they’d be off like a rodeo bull from its pen”.
Speak to John over at the CIA to arrange.

Another large war in the Middle East should get the Turks in on two fronts and will give our friends the chance to get rid of the Palestinians once and for all as well as enabling us to finally take control of those damn wells we’ve been chasing for so long. We can go in as humanitarians again, the public prefer that story.

Finally we need the big one, another large war in Asia dragging the Russians to two fronts making them manageable us to mop up, getting the Pakistanis and Indians to wipe each other off the map would be a benefit and of course we must drag in the Chinese against the Russians and Indians.  Of course provoking the Chinese is never hard.
Bear in mind that any nuclear activity will deprive us of tens of millions of barrels of oil so is to be avoided at all costs.
Assuming  success, and the Lord has assured me we will have it, we will need the majority of our future wells in these areas and collections of organic material from the mountains will present a challenge… Instruct Amazon.com to begin a pilot scheme for drone usage, we can give them the contract to pick up the detritus in difficult areas.
He told me to assure each and every one of you that He would be on the battlefield in spirit, but, we need not worry anyway as only the poor and middle class kids would do all the fighting. So, with God on our side we’d obviously win if we were to engage in a battle with the following groups:
1. Al the those who believe in the wrong God.
2. Non-white Christians.
3. Those who are white and also Christian but used to be communist.
(Non-white American christians will be told to pick a side. Those who join us will be sent to the front line and the remaining dealt with as traitors should they dissent).

He explained this would be very good business for the pentagon and so they’d be very enthused to sign up.

When we emerge triumphant from our righteous and holy war we will proceed to excavate large holes in, several distributed through each continent, then collect all the fallen and simply throw in the bodies in the pits, cover them up and add some weight.
We will then only need a little patience and there’s a new oil boom without all the need for all that expensive searching! We will have the foresight to build the refinery right there  on top of the bodies, and in doing so add the necessary weight. When the oil has brewed we just tap into it like a keg!

The reduced population will make, the few remaining, climate scientists happy as the population of the earth will be at a much lower and more sustainable level, CO2 will be dramatically cut and we can finally shove that Kyoto treaty where it belongs remaining free to use what’s left of the oil to ensure the American auto industry has no need to go forward with any need to downsize or be more efficient.
God says he loves a V8, an American V8.
The Lord also suggested we could “accidentally” bomb Germany removing them as future competition and thereby giving US jobs a boost.

In the Lords plan we simply wait a few years and the future generations of America and her, good christian, capitalist democratic allies will be assured of a good supply of oil from the rotting corpses of our enemies.

I have taken the liberty of speaking to Jeb ahead of time and he has agreed to run and execute Gods plan, just like George did, so, Thank God, there’s no need to call up the Alaskan Milf.  She’s continuing her important work with Rupert.
Rupert will start upping the coverage on the “everyone’s evil and those who don’t agree are un-American” message (again) and Sarah is available for continual interview. I am assured by her operators that she will be even more passionate and much more incoherent this time and will finally show more of her titties and occasionally pull a “Basic instinct”  to make sure any difficult questions posed to us are never answered and no-one will notice.

As you can see the Lord and I have thought of everything.

All your agreements should be returned, signed in blood as per the usual manner within 24 hours.
Dissenters will be given three days to reconsider and/or put their affairs in order rather than the usual seven given God’s explicit instruction on the need for secrecy.

Your pal and now, proudly, Gods pal.


NB. You will note I have made no mention of South America. This is not an oversight, God said there was no need for an extra war in south America, we just needed to push on with our “War on Drugs” strategy and they’d kill each other whilst we only need work on strengthening our Border. Again, Rupert is in charge of disseminating  the message on the need for a wall between us and  Mexico.

Happy Mothers day everyone.

I know, I know, it’s not mothers day, but, in my heart it is as I have been thinking a lot about children and the respect they have for their parents.
It seems in this day and age that parents are simply not respected by their children in the way they once were. I see it in my eldest daughter and many of her classmates, they speak to their parents with a contempt and dismissive tone that used to be the sole preserve of the permanently disrespectful 15-20 year old!

I frequently disagree with my mother.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve disagreed with the woman in my lifetime, but, I know I’ve now concurred with her 8 times, so, you do the math…
Sometimes I think her point of view is outdated.
Sometimes I feel that she’s being patronizing because she’s pointing out the bleeding obvious.
Sometimes I’m just not ready to hear what she has to say.
Sometimes I think she’s gone completely and utterly barmy!
What I try not to do is be disrespectful and if I am then I apologise and chastise myself for it.

My eldest daughter had shown her mother an unacceptable level of disrespect recently and so, whilst trapped in a locked moving car on one of our many “dad’s taxi” runs, I took the opportunity to try and straighten her out.
Your mother’s older than you and has more experience than you”  I began. That’s a universal truism.
Everything you will experience, have experienced and are experiencing right now has, in all probability, been experienced by either your mother or your father”. Again, that should be pretty much universal.
Your Mother can speak many languages, she has a good education, she took her higher education in another country, traveled far from home to a strange land and studied at the highest level in a foreign language… successfully!
Your mother works hard, makes sacrifices, commutes to ensure you can eat, have somewhere to sleep and when not working she also takes care of you.”

Of course, these examples are mainly individual specific. They aren’t applicable to all. I wanted something better, more powerful and simpler and this led me to wonder about my own reasons for giving due respect.

I returned to my daughter and continued:
you shouldn’t forget that no matter how big you get there was always a time when your mother cared for you. When she wiped your nose and wiped your bottom. When she bathed you, fed you, held you, wiped away your tears, soothed your burning brow and fed you from her breast.”

I felt I was beginning to get closer to a more universal  truth, but, again, for some this would not be true. It would be the circumstance of some that a mothers care was unavailable or maybe even denied. Where was my singular statement? The one point that all ages, from cradle to grave could hold true.

I thought of my friend and her troubled teen.
I thought of my children’s mother.
I thought of my own mother and of my friends who have children, all of whom are unique, all have different lives, are of different social status, occupation, belief and parenting practices. What one thing, what one tiny thread could I use to stitch a badge of respect on the breast of every child in the world no matter how old they were?…
Then it came to me, I realized what it was.
She gave you life.
Simple really.
At some point in time every mother decided she would sacrifice an awful lot of her life to carry a child to term and bring our miserable disrespectful existences into the world.
It’s never a fathers choice, it’s only a mothers.
A woman can, if she chooses, abort or engineer a miscarriage without anyone ever knowing she was pregnant. Humans have been doing it for centuries and in the modern world it’s even easier, so, for each of us a choice was made: to give us life or not.

So, next time one thinks the crazy old bat knows nothing , she wouldn’t know a good choice if it hit in the face with a freshly caught salmon and she’s completely illogical, one should try and remember one of those totally illogical bad choices was to have you.

I now wish I hadn’t renamed “Greek girls have big arses” as “An ode to the daughters of Athena”.

So, i thought i might give a second serious poem a bit of a bash.
Is there a place for poetry in contemporary society?
Do we want poetry that discusses the weightier aspects of life?
Should i just stick to filthy or daft limericks?
Who says all can’t appear in one blog?

So, here it is, a poem for Athens, but, sadly could have been written for most southern European cities at present.

A walk through the city where democracy reigned,
Once joyful folk are visibly strained.
Lives filled with joy, now filled with strife,
Where man starves his dog and beats on his wife.
A state where deep cuts mean noone to keep,
Watch over children who solemnly weep,
As they yearn for slumber to silence the fighting,
Of parents who choose between food, heat and lighting.

Each month the bills continue to mount.
A lack of employment and red bank account,
Savings all gone, mortgage arrears,
Parents join children in spilling their tears.

No assets left, in debt to the hilt.
It must be their fault, so, we feel no guilt.
They made their choices, they chose their lot
“Fuck ‘em” we say, leave them to rot.
But, that isn’t true, we know in our heart,
That each of our countries all played a part,
In the careless destruction and ruination,
Of more than one sovereign nation.

So I rush through Athena, averting my eyes;
Deafening ears to the street persons cries,
As they ask for my help and beg for some aid;
You can’t help them all so a choice must be made.
Give to the sick or the old or the young?
The poor cannot dine on political tongue.
So I reach in my pocket, to gather some money,
Whilst the politician’s tongue drips it’s poison honey.