Ebeneezer Goode wants you read this poem.

This poem in no way condones or endorses the recreational use of MDMA.
Honest.

I dreamt of my life as a teen yet again
Hurtling down roads, pitch black, heavy rain
To field or warehouse, to club and to cave
The thrill, the buzz, the dance, the rave.
Old Comfy shoes; not bothered by mud,
A chemists brew pumps through the blood.

The spinners box built high, up above
Temporary gods bathed in adoration and love
Beats that pound and feet that clomp
Some dance with grace, most simply stomp.
Whistles pierce through heavy beat
Sweat drips to cool body’s heat.

No menace, no threat, no violence here,
No wicked combination of machismo and beer
Freed from inhibition we leap, near insanity
Expressing our joy, our love, our humanity
We erect no barriers on religion or race
United as one by attending this place
Lost in the music, stripped of our fear
We radiate love to those who are near
Our brothers and sisters, together we dance
Minds permanently altered. Ecstatic trance.

But, now I’m quite old and the body is broken
Tales of wild nights, locked away, go unspoken.
Memories fade, the past gets more distant
The urge to relive, to go back, less insistent.
What would i say to my girls of the days,
When we danced through the night in a chemical haze?
Weekends we proudly spent getting wrecked
If they knew how we lived would they still have respect?
When I try to inform, maybe caution, advise
Shall respect or contempt flood, now enlightened, eyes?
Best keep it quiet. lock this history away,
The past’s in the past and that’s where it should stay.

A Happy weekend to you all.

Apparently, it’s the Coco de Mer.

There has been a lot of chatter amongst certain sections of the internet community regarding the age old playground argument of who’s better: Batman or Superman?
A movie, creatively entitled Batman vs Superman is due for release in a couple of years and already the “fanboys” (I’m sure there aren’t many girls involved, so, “boys” is just fine a term) are blogging, trolling, arguing and youtubing their opinions on why Superman will so kick Batman’s ass and is way way cooler dude IMHO. Blah, blah, blah!

Ukraine threatens to explode, Gaza lies once more in tatters and all these teens can talk of (apparently teens of any and all ages) is nonsense about Superman being better than Batman in the parallel universe of comic-dom!

Nonsense!
Just… Nonsense!!!

First of all, Superman is near invulnerable!
He has just the one weakness, if one discounts his brain, fragmented pieces of his home planet and yet he is constantly outwitted by ordinary humans and his life imperiled by any number of comparatively weak human beings wielding a bit of this special moon rock!
So, he’s not exactly a Professor Hawking is he.
As for being a hero, well, he does save people, but, honestly, if you were invulnerable, gifted with special powers that meant you could shoot lasers from your eyes, turn coal into diamond with a squeeze of your hand and could fly at superspeed what else would you do with your time other than fly about saving people and showing everyone how hard you are?
He’s not a hero because being a hero requires heroism, an act of courage and if you’re invulnerable you don’t need to display much courage do you?
If you have no human frailty to overcome then there can be no heroism.

Measuring the greatness of a superhero is simple, you simply assess the level of testicular fortitude required to do their bit and assign them a place on an appropriate scale.

I prefer to use the Oxbridge Superhero/nut ratio calculator (The OS/N as it is more commonly known) a scale drawn up jointly by the incredible brains at the Kings college Wonderwoman club, based in Kings college, Cambridge and  the All souls college Iron man fanatics of Oxford that works thus:
Draw up a graph  and plot the four key variables of superherodom: Bravery, intellect, strength of powers, and weakness .
By assessing the level of power a character has, the level of intellect displayed, the risk they take when doing their heroing and offsetting this against their vulnerability one can give them an appropriate ranking on the OS/N and whoever sits atop this scale is the Coolest, Awesomest, Superest superhero of them all.

Looked at in this, the correct, manner Superman takes zero points for courage, another nil points for having every power ever, gains sod all for risk-taking by virtue of being indefatigable and, of course, doesn’t exactly make up ground in the intellect stakes by being continually and easily duped.
When measured properly and placed on the OS/N Superman earns the rank of Macadamia.
Thor, a Demi-god even more invulnerable than Superman, is the lowest ranked superhero weighing in at a thoroughly embarrassing score of Cashew.
This is why he’s now becoming a girl.
Spiderman has some powers and increased strength, but, by virtue of being far from invulnerable and with bonus points for being a teenager  earns himself a proudly deserved ranking of Brazil.
Finally, at the top end of the scale and weighing in with the full coconut is Iron man.
The metal suit makes him pretty much invulnerable as long as it remains impermeable, but, inside he is just a man and one who faces death with each and every venture… Yep, that’s definitely a big hairy coconut, maybe even a pair of big hairy coconuts, and there’s no chance of him suffering the same fate as Thor by losing his whoopsies and becoming Antonia Stark anytime in the near future.

So where does this leave Batman?
He’s not superstrong.
He wasn’t bitten by a radioactive turtle and imbued with gifts.
He has no super-hearing, laser-eyes or a special metal suit.
Batman uses the exactly the same basic tools to fight crime as Donald Trump uses to get laid, ergo: a certain amount of deception, a larger amount of self-delusion,  big dollops of Machiavellian intellect, some training from a professional,  and, of course, pots and pots of cash.
Batman is unique in the comic book universe in that he is nothing more than a man in a mask; a man who studied, trained, disciplined himself and showed iron will to persevere with a long and painful career as the public’s most ardent servant.
The only ‘special gift’ The Batman has is Post traumatic stress disorder!

To conclude this ramble and nail my point home as to why Batman is clearly better than Superman I tried to establish Batman’s position on the OS/N scale, but, when I checked in my Guinness book of World records to see what should sit atop the scale by being both bigger and heavier than the coconut I discovered I had a strange Comic-book world edition of the famous tome and under the title “Largest nuts in the world?”  it simply said:

Bruce Wayne’s.

Desperately seeking musician!

This came to my head today and so, like Madge the vag, I’m desperately seeking someone.
I have no musical talent whatsoever and the voice of 60 a day smoker, but, without the great gravelly qualities of say Chris Rea and Rob Dougan.
I’m more a combination of  phone sex-pest breathing crossed with the dulcet tones of Joan Rivers!
So, I’m looking for people to do their own thing with it and if anyone out there does possess more musical talent than I then I’d really love to hear how this would sound. Obviously, as a trained chimp has more musical talent than I that shouldn’t be a particularly hard challenge.

It, clearly, is a slightly more miserable version of singing in the rain.
I like the juxtaposition and enjoy such a familiar and cheery tune being corrupted in this manner..

Please interpret it to your hearts’ content.

We’re screaming out in vain
we’re suffering in pain
what a terrifying feeling,
they’re bombing us again.
we’re cowering in schools
with children we love
deaths coming for us
coming from above.

Let the Israelis chase.
Everyone to this place,
Then drop metal rain
with a smile on their face.
will you see Gazan’s pain?
or support it again
we’re dying, dying here again.

screaming out in pain.

suffering in vein.

women and children, dying yet again.

women and children yet again.

Why does the magician’s assistant always look good in a bikini?

I must be a crazy person.
Since the Malaysian airlines flight crashed in “Russian occupied” Ukraine the newspapers and news are covered in headlines such as:
“Putin’s victims” with accompanying photos of every victim.
“Putin Killed my son!” A fathers accusation stands large on the cover.
“Cover up: Russian rebels destroy MH17 evidence”
“Putin’s Missile!”

From the moment the plane went down the media have been there, from the moment it went down, to tell us who was responsible, put faces to names, provide us with interviews with grieving relatives and above all make us realize that the economic sanctions that The United States is pushing for and the lesser,  termed by the Americans as “insufficient”, sanctions that the Europeans are seeking to impose are needed. “Necessary”.
We must immediately  sanction Russia, its leader is a monster and they’re a danger to the world.

For those of us with an eye on history, economics, debt holdings of major economies and a healthy dose of skepticism this was not good. Who the hell loses their family in a tragic incident and just can’t wait to give interviews to the media?
What came next was ridiculous.
Regular readers will know that I suggested the whole thing could be a “redflag” operation. For anyone who’s familiar with the latest re-imagination of Sherlock Holmes, the one starring the rather fine Benedict “Cumberbund”, there is an episode involving a plane full of corpses and operation “Coventry”, I found it quite easy to picture such a scenario having happened in this instance.
It would appear that the Russians are also into their BBC series, I’m guessing they’ve got iPlayer, because they too have seen this episode!
The Russian rebel Commander, clearly a mental and clearly a plagiarist unable to come up with his own story, claimed that the bodies they were recovering had been drained of blood and reeked of decomposition meaning they had been dead for three or four days.
What a loon!
Fortunately the British press, in the main, did the sensible thing and didn’t publish much of these sensationalist claims, gave this madman and his mental health issues a wide birth.

Good Chaps… must keep the people informed with the right news, you know. Make sure they come to the correct conclusions.

Next thing you know the drunken and imaginative psychopaths will be claiming that the bodies they put on the train to ship back are not the same ones we’ll be taking off!
Finally, when  chutzpah reaches epic proportions and this lunacy is at the peak of its power one of them will be heard claiming that the plane that crashed was MH370 and not MH17 at all.
He’ll claim that it was the Malaysian airliner that completely vanished and has never been seen or heard from despite extensive searches and of course the almost complete coverage of the globe by satellite cameras and tracking systems. Someone’s blatantly been at his subordinates vodka rations and anyway, the rebels are tampering with the evidence to remove evidence of their complicity and probably they’ll decide to make it look like it wasn’t MH17 at all. I expect we’ll read about it in the news.

The fact that substantial portions of American debt is held by Russia, China and the Middle East and that Europe buys its gas from Russia and our account balance is, to say the least, worryingly high are totally irrelevant pieces of information.
The Russians are committing atrocities, they’re monsters, their leader is a violent, immoral dictator ruling with an iron fist and we need to take action now. That action should be nothing less than they deserve and so we should definitely stop paying our bills, freeze the accounts and assets of some of Russia’s richest men and stop the general populace of the west from buying Russian products in order to stop bolstering their economy.
We must, through sanction, isolate Russia and bring the economy, the people and thus the leaders to their knees.

“That’ll learn ‘em!” says Dave from South London, Sun reader, on the sanctions.

I wonder how long it will be before the bullets start flying?

Why is it that I look at the world in this way?  I have a little cautionary piece of history to explain:
The Greeks swore the Turks shot first;
The Turks swore blind that the Greeks shot first;
That an Italian Captain obeyed his orders and shot first didn’t matter to the dead and dying as Smyrna burnt to the ground.
The Greeks still blame the Turks.
The Turks still blame the Greeks.
Only academics care about the truth.

The golden orb in the scepter of multicultural harmony that Smyrna represented was wiped from the face of the earth and her like has never been seen since.
Her inhabitants?
Those who hadn’t already fled were killed or driven into the sea whilst Allied boats sat offshore under orders to refuse aid and not to pick up those who were lucky enough to not drown immediately.
The number of survivors of this once great city were immeasurably few.
Each nation involved had its own agenda, its own plan and acted according, not to morality, humanity or compassion, but, solely in its own interest and when one party exploited the tensions between two ancient enemies, lit the fuse on the powder keg without care or concern for those who perished as a result, the rest of those on the periphery stood by and watched.
Do we honestly believe we are any less susceptible to manipulation, any wiser to propaganda or cleverer than our predecessors?
Our predecessors who weren’t blinded by celebrity flotsam and jetsam, who were engaged in the political process and yet, time and time again, were hoodwinked into “ righteous” wars.

I try to remember my childhood and how convinced I was that the cold war was perpetuated by the Russians continual and unrelenting addition to their already mammoth stockpile of world ending nuclear weapons.
I recall how shocked I was to discover the Russians had repeatedly proposed complete nuclear disarmament only to be rebuffed by successive American presidents and that the number of warheads they held never amounted to more than 40% of those held by the Americans… until now. Now the Russians have up to 12,000 warheads stockpiled, some ready, some decommissioned, but, probably, able to be made serviceable.  The Americans have, it is estimated, 2150 warheads, all of which are ready and waiting, properly maintained and in good working order.
Will we see the beginning of a new arms race?
Will we again be taught to duck and cover and talk of 3 minute warnings?

The good news for me is that I am ineligible for service. I can’t be called up to serve. I’m close enough to the last man on their list to be certain I won’t be sent to hold the line whilst the drones fly overhead engaging the million man army that we bait into becoming our enemy.
I only hope your friends, family, husbands, sons and fathers can say the same.

One other thing about MH17…

Nearly 500 residents of Gaza have died during the “current hostilities”, the majority of whom were innocent civilians.
The Israeli death toll stands at 18 soldiers and 2 civilians.
The media would still like you to believe this is something resembling a fair fight.
In one incident 7 soldiers were killed in the same vehicle and owing to additional casualties sustained during some fierce “battling” the total Israeli death toll for that day was 11 soldiers.
This was the single highest Israeli daily death toll since 2006 and Israel is not used to suffering such high losses.
That very same day more than 100 residents of Gaza died.
This wasn’t a record of any sort for Palestine.
When the death toll of one side so heavily outstrips the other and when the majority of those deaths are civilian, non-combatants, it is not called a war; It’s called genocide.
A slow, insidious genocide.

Are you paying attention to it or are you looking at the faces of dead innocent tourists and wondering what Putin will do next?

Originally, I was going to post a quick pun, a Friday funny…

Then I went on the internet, visited some news articles read some news and the subsequent comments and now I find myself with a few questions.
Questions first then the pun’s down the bottom.

Tanks are ploughing through Gaza, people are dying, children lay still, never to move again. And an Israeli soldier has died during the offensive. My heart doesn’t bleed.
I was once a supporter of Israel, but, now I find I have little remaining sympathy for the state of Israel.
I do not support the acts of Hamas either.
Like the IRA I believe their complaint is completely warranted, they have the right to fight, but, terrorism is not the way to express this.
Yes, oppression needs to be fought, but, not by blowing up children. They are not your enemy and whilst an argument can be made that they one day will be, the truth is, only if you continue the status quo. Make change they may grow to be your friends and not your enemy.

The issue of Israel is even more complicated than Ireland.
We, in the Christian world, are told the tale of the expulsion of the Jews from the lands of Judaea from day one. It’s a fundamental part of our early learning. It’s a belief ingrained into us along with God, Jesus and not to walk under ladders. It’s part and parcel of religious and moral teaching. The only difference being that there is a record of its occurrence in period writing. So, it’s one of them fact things. We know it happened and so the Jewish people, living in their traditional homeland, returning to their lands in a Jewish state seems just.
The question is: what if the expulsion of the Jews from the lands of Judaea never actually happened?
What if the People of Judaea weren’t driven from their lands until the Palestinians, as they had now become, were forced out to enable the formation of Israel?
What if it had been shown that the Roman Caesar and a writer had created the legend of the expulsion for mutual gain? What if when we think about the right of the people of biblical Judaea being allowed to return to their homeland we understand that the description is only really accurate in reference to the Palestinian people? That would certainly alter the generally perceived wisdom on the situation. We come to the current crisis. Here’s a quick look at the events.
Three Israeli teenagers go missing, then turn up dead.
Israel reacts by bombing Hamas leaders and installations, killing tens of people, many with no connection to Hamas whatsoever.
Palestinians fire some rockets, the little ones you can easily move round, and fires them at the Israeli “Iron dome” defense system. A few of these rockets get through.
A Palestinian teen is kidnapped and murdered in brutal fashion. It is presumed a revenge attack by Jewish radicals.
There’s more rockets fired and Israel drops more bombs from planes.
Israel targets four Palestinian children fleeing a beach. This incident is captured on film by multiple sources including at least one team of western journalists.
Israel begins its ground offensive. They attack using American supplied tanks.
The Palestinians defend themselves using twenty year old Toyota trucks, 30 year old Mercedes saloons and 40 year old Volkswagen campers. Comments of “Israel has a right to defend itself”, “Israel must fight Islamic terrorism”, “Palestinian terrorists must be wiped out before peace can be reached” are met by “Allah will see to the destruction of the Jews” and “Israeli terrorists and occupiers should meet their death at the hands of Martyrs”.
People invoking religion and founding their opinion on religious divide have nothing of any use to contribute to the discussion and solution. The spreading of hate and the failure to see balance because of religious distortion are what we have enough of, we don’t need more. Children are being blown up and quite frankly I don’t think it matters which magical pixie their parents pray too, they’re kids and they shouldn’t be dying because we’re blinded by fairy tales and lies. What will happen now? The Israelis will go as far into Gaza as they want, kill as many Palestinians as they want. Eventually they will fall back and, post offensive, will feel the need to extend the exclusion zone between Israel and Gaza in order to adequately maintain the safety and security of its citizens.
This extra will come from the Palestinian side of the line.
Settlers will begin developing on these lands and the whole cycle will begin again.
America will block any UN censure of Israel’s actions or peace keeping involvement. That’s what’s happened in the past and what will happen based on the pattern established by every single previous encounter between the two sides.

So, what if those three poor teens weren’t taken by Palestinians at all?
What if they were taken as part of an operation designed to provoke just such a situation in order make another land grab and scupper any peace talks?
After all, it will be said that it wasn’t Israel that caused the talks to break down, it was the acts of palestinians and, in particular, Hamas. As it was once the PLO and Arafat.

Who knows, not me, I just wonder and have given up being shocked at the lengths a government is prepared to go to in order to achieve it’s overall aims and unstated goals.

What if it isn’t a conspiracy, what if it was a paedophile ring who killed those boys and have worked out a very smart way of disposing of the victims?
Did anyone think of that?
Did they bollocks! There was no time for an investigation, they just started bombing.

Let’s assume though, that all is as it purports to be and the boys met their tragic end at the hands of the enemy. Is the response justified?
Is the reaction balanced?
Is it the acceptable reaction of a country so militarily superior and with such tenuous moral justification for its own existence?

Did we bomb Portugal when Madeleine McCann went missing?

People often discuss the blight of Islamic terrorism and how Israel need support as it is at the forefront of the fight against Islamic terrorism.
I can see what they are saying. I get that point of view, even thought it once, but, then, I asked myself a question:
What if the root cause of Islamic terrorism is Israel?
What if the Allied powers decision to take the lands of the Palestinians and give it to the Jewish people for the purpose of creating a Jewish state is what pissed them all off in the first place?
What if we poured even more fuel on the fire when we carved up the lands of Arabia and the middle east and installed puppet royalty who garnered enormous wealth selling us the oil at pre-agreed preferential prices and used weapons and money we gave them to oppress the people of their lands in order to maintain the status quo?
What if those two things are the reason why we find ourselves targeted by Islamic terrorism?
What if when the people of Iran liberated themselves from the puppet dictator we installed and gave birth to the Islamic worlds first democracy we reacted by giving their neighbor, one Saddam Hussein, bundles of money and weapons to invade them and the Islamic world thought that was a bit mean?
What if, when Saddam Hussein attempted to retake the oil field that had originally been part of Iraq, but were carved off to create Kuwait and the Kuwaiti royal family asked for us to come help we came and invaded Iraq to teach them to keep their hands of our friends oil fields, the one’s we’d given them they all thought that by now we were taking the piss.
Finally, when we made up a bullshit story about weapons of mass destruction and invaded Iraq a second time, turned it into hell and seemed to be proud of our achievement we proved we just don’t learn and to them we are truly devils?

My point is this, we lack media plurality.
The majority of sources have an inherent bias from one point of view or another. Media gets much of its “facts” from government sources and those are not as truthful as we would like to believe.
Our Journalists no longer seem to have either the appetite or forum for true investigative journalism and the publishing of truth, not opinion or outright lie.

What if the Malaysian flight was not brought down by Russian separatists? What if it was very deliberately brought down by those forces who wish us to sanction Russia and cripple it’s economy in what is known as a “red flag operation”?

The American invasion of Korea was commenced on the basis of a red flag operation and it has been a technique used by leaders to manipulate public outrage since leaders existed.
If we don’t ask all the questions for ourselves, attempt to look at all possibilities not just the one we’re given as the assumed fact, then no one else is going to do it for us. Inevitably, unchecked power hungry immoral people running amok and out of control telling us lies to gain our support will lead us nowhere but into hell.

What” is a very dangerous word and along with why, how, who and where are right up the list  of the most feared words that can be directed at a politician (affair, bung, scandal, rent boy and expenses filling out the top ten)

So, what was that pun?
“I was going to go to The Del Boy University of Independent Trading, but, when I went to look around it was only fools on courses.”
Mange tout, mange tout.
have thoughtful and fun weekend.

Maybe the Rabbit hole was the safest place for Alice.

I am, as regular readers will know, a father of two little girls.
They’re both beautiful. I don’t mean beautiful in the sense I’m their dad and they’re all beautiful when they’re your own; I mean people stop us in the street and airports and comment on it beautiful.
I can only say they’re damn lucky they got a lot of their mother in the right places.
As a consequence of having two girls I find my somewhat extreme views on paedophiles  and paederasts have,  remarkably, become even more extreme.
When it comes to paedarism I make Boko Haram look like liberals.
Before, I used to think that chemical castration and a long life behind bars, not in segregated sections, but, in with the general population was a fitting punishment. Now though, I find I lean a little more towards removal of hands and genitals along with a sizeable brand or tattoo on the face that clearly says “I am a nonce”… that’ll do, for a start.

I remember seeing  the closing ceremony of the 2008 Olympics when Jimmy Page “legendary” Led Zeppelin guitarist appeared with other selected “dignitaries” to represent Britain and thinking to myself “How can this man be chosen to represent Britain on one of the greatest of all stages?”. I thought that just because someone’s old doesn’t mean they’ve changed or have become cleansed sufficiently to represent us the British public.
The name Lori Maddox seems to have been wiped from memory.

Then came, at first rumours then,  revelations about once-beloved entertainer, marathon runner, cigar enthusiast and wish granter Jimmy Saville.
Each new disclosure and allegation regarding this man shocks and, whilst anyone aware of his relationship with his mother knew he was “a bit peculiar”, the depths of his depravity and the systematic manner in which he went about abusing victims demonstrate that behind the smiling façade was a true predator, remorseless and unrelenting.
Of course, there’s always a silver lining: I used to be jealous that despite all the letters I sent Jim never fixed it for me. Not so much anymore. The BBC obviously never explained it was a reciprocal arrangement to get on the show, a kind of  “you scratch my back and I’ll touch your front” deal.

Next began the accusations against antipodean artist, amish-style beard enthusiast and wobble-board waggler Rolf “can you tell what is yet?” Harris.
I had heard rumour that the man had issues keeping his hands off  female graduates when booked to perform at student unions for valedictorian balls and when Rolf asked “can you tell what it is yet?” the answer was usually Rolf’s hand and it was groping your arse. However, these were young ladies in their twenties and as inappropriate as that is, in my mind it’s a world away from child molestation, so, it was a real struggle to come to terms with Rolf being an actual kiddy fiddler. It still is. I will never be able to listen to “Two little boys” with their “two little toys” again without feeling a bit peculiar.
5 years 9 months might sound like a long while, but, it’s not near long enough.

Sitting in the car, one Saturday morning, the radio began to talk about the late politician, regional accent supporter and pie enthusiast Cyril Smith.
An immense man of apparently immense appetites from the Northern town of Rochdale, he stood for the Labour party for many, many years and then became part of what we now call the Liberal Democrats, all as the MP for Rochdale.
The Right Honourable member of parliament for Rochdale.
He too, it is alleged, was another member of the establishment who’s tastes clearly ran to fruit that wasn’t ripe nor ready to be plucked.
This case, even more so than the investigation into Saville and friends has shown us, to borrow a popular and very apt phrase, “just how deep the rabbit hole goes”.

Historical allegations hushed up and swept away.
High level Police complicity.
High level government involvement.
Missing files and evidence.
Prosecutions halted.
Allegations that witnesses and investigators were intimidated into silence. Some, including former police officers, claim they were intimidated and threatened by members of Special Branch.

Then, finally, came the realisation that those now being named were all in positions of such sensitivity, and/or, had met the Queen, received awards at Buckingham Palace from The Monarch and therefore must, and I do mean MUST, have been continuously vetted, and heavily vetted at that, by Britain’s security services!
This has led me to the logical assumption that it would have taken a miraculous level of willful ignorance to not have discovered the activities of these deviants  and, in all probability, someone, somewhere decided to let them continue unabated.

For some things there can be no question as some things are not up for debate.
Some things cannot be forgiven and if there is no punishment for the transgressor, some things do not heal with time… They just get worse, eat away at the soul of the victim and continue to destroy their life long after the offense was committed.

Perhaps if our press spent more time on investigative journalism instead of sensationalist journalism or perhaps if we had greater media plurality this seemingly serial child abuse wouldn’t have continued, and perhaps continues, unabated and may not have rotted out the base of trust the public placed in the three great pillars of British society: The Houses of Parliament, The BBC and The Church.
Rotted each so thoroughly they are all threatened with collapse.

Thinking back to the Beijing Olympics’ closing ceremony and the handing over from the Chinese to the British it is clear I was mistaken in my initial conclusion that these people didn’t represent Britain. They perfectly represented Britain.
Leona Lewis showed us the multiculturalism of Britain, the need for talented people to participate in awful talent contests to succeed, and the British publics’ obsession with women in possession of a cracking pair of chesticles.
Boris Johnson represented the spoilt, out of touch toff, living a life beyond his intellectual capacity by virtue of “fortunate” breeding.
David Beckham appeared for the illiterate and unintelligible under-educated Britons who value style over substance.
And, of course, last but not least Jimmy Page. He was there for the sexual deviant, the child molester and child rapist, maintaining the veneer of a respectable life as part of the upper echelons of “The Establishment”  whilst their horrific crimes go unpunished.

They really did cover all the bases.